we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
