hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize