i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
