I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
