I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
