That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
