Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
