i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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