Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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