She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
