You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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