the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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