why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
