i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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