Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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