Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
