hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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