Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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