I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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