I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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