the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
