Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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