Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
