The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
