So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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