God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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