Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
