You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
