We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
