What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
