i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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