i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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