to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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