The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
