Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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