Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
