i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
