When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
