ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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