Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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