what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
