Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
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Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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