it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
