you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
