Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
