DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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