Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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