I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
