I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
