I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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