so explain again why im purple
no
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
