Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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