Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
