omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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