kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
