He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
