Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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