I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
