yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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