Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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