Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
