Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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