I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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