I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
