we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
